


The Spice of Life

by Reikah



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Canon, sex comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-26
Updated: 2012-06-26
Packaged: 2020-03-01 04:55:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18793429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reikah/pseuds/Reikah
Summary: Years down the road, Kurogane and Fai worry that the spark has left their relationship. Can they reclaim it in six easy steps?Fai was looking at him, wide-eyed and worried.





	The Spice of Life

There are truths universally acknowledged, Kurogane knows, and one of them is that _Fai is an idiot_ who obsesses over the simplest things.

It started when they were getting ready for bed one night, several years into their journey with the original Syaoran. Kurogane had been reading his maganyan - the sixth installment of a fight between the hero and a new enemy - and Fai was on _his_ side of the bed comparing notes between a Ceresian rune-dictionary Syaoran had found him some years ago and a Nihonjin children's book, part of his resolve to learn how to read Nihongo before they returned there for good.

They had been in the world for four days now; four days of boredom. It was a world they'd been back to a few times and a largely peaceful one, with no enemies to vanquish nor wealth of new knowledge. Kurogane and Fai were working as bartenders at a night club near the pier; Syaoran was working for the owner of the hotel they were staying in as a handyman. 

Fai did not seem surprised when Kurogane abruptly sighed and sat up, folding the corner of one page in order to keep his place - a habit that always made Fai wince, but he was too weary of it by now to object. "I'm going to sleep," Kurogane said, unnecessarily. He put his maganyan on his night table and clicked the lamp on his side of the bed off. "You going to be up long?"

"Mmm," said Fai, turning a page. "Maybe."

Kurogane _tch_ ed but said nothing else, leaning over the distance between them to kiss him on the temple; this part of the routine completed, he turned over, shifting back down between the sheets to lie with his back to Fai. Presently he heard the sounds of Fai getting ready to sleep; the sound of the rune-dictionary being closed softly, the rustle of sheets as Fai shifted; and then the way the mattress moved as the idiot leaned over to kiss him back. 

"I'm sleeping," Kurogane said.

"Apparently you're very talkative in your sleep, Kuro-sama." Fai pressed a soft kiss against Kurogane's temple, his voice warm and amused. 

"I'm _trying_ to sleep. If you want to get off, wizard, you know where the bathroom is."

Fai chuckled. "Maybe I just... want to..."

When he didn't continue Kurogane sighed and turned over. Fai was looking at him, wide-eyed and worried. "What? What's the matter, idiot?"

"When did we last have sex, Kuro-sama?" Fai asked slowly.

"Uh." Kurogane thought about it. "Four worlds ago, after room service brought us that champagne."

"Four worlds ago? That was.... thirty eight days ago..."

They stared at each other with the gradually dawning realisation of two explorers who had suddenly found themselves in unfamiliar territory.

"Kuro-sama," Fai said, troubled. "What happened to us? Do you remember the time we had sex in every room of Watanuki-kun's shop?"

"I remember that the last room wasn't as empty as we thought," Kurogane replied, with a touch of bitterness in his voice. The shopkeeper's poker-faced friend hadn't seemed too bothered, but Kurogane sure as hell had been.

"When was the last time we made love in an alleyway?" Fai wailed.

Kurogane squinted at him. "We _never_ fucked in -"

"It's been _months_ since we played New World Bingo, either!"

"That game was stupid."

Fai pushed himself up on his knees, staring down at Kurogane. "Kuro-sama, if we don't act now, our relationship will wither and we'll turn to other people for sexual fulfillment and in a few years you'll be doing that thing you do with your tongue on _random blonds in the street_ and I'll be drinking myself to death!"

" _What_."

"We need to bring the spark back."

"... Do we?"

"We need to bring the spark back to our relationship before whiskey becomes my only friend!"

Kurogane sighed heavily. "Fine."

"You mean that?" Fai flopped down next to him again, making the mattress groan in protest. His eyes were very blue. "Do you?"

"Sure," Kurogane said wearily. "Got any suggestions?"

"..."

"... Well, sleep on it. I'm going to." 

He rolled over and pulled the covers over himself, settling wearily into bed; and he was most of the way asleep when Fai's excited yell yanked him back up to wakefulness again. " _Women's magazines!_ They're full of sex advice, this will work fine!"

_Like fuck it would,_ Kurogane thought, and sighed. Still, Fai seemed pretty into it, and it never hurt to give the idiot something to funnel his stupidity into. Last time had ended up with Fai making a thousand paper cranes, which had been annoying to get rid of but not exactly _dangerous_.

And then Kurogane thought the phrase that would haunt him, after the six worst sexual mishaps of his life, and that phrase was this: _What was the worst that could happen?_

* * *

1\. _Spark gone from your bedroom? Make him remember why he cares: toys are_ guaranteed _to add spice to any couple's lovemaking!_

They were facing each other, both of them looking awkward and unsure, hands firmly behind their backs.

"Okay, Kuro-rin," Fai said. "Show and tell time. You first."

"What? No, idiot, _you_ go first!"

"Fine, fine! We'll... show on the count of three," Fai said. "One... two... three!"

There was an awkward moment as both of them held out their purchases, one that quickly shifted into bemusement.

"I don't understand," Kurogane said, after a pause. "How is a toy train set supposed to help?"

"I don't know, I thought you'd work something out! What are we going to do with a _frisbee_?"

Another awkward pause.

"We could throw it?"

* * *

2\. _If you're having difficulty getting laid with your long-term partner, consider dressing up! Fantasy roleplaying can be a great stress relief for you and your man!_

The costume _itched_. Fai wrinkled his nose, attempting to adjust the pinching shoes. "Kuro-sama, are you ready?" 

Kurogane pushed open the door from their ensuite bathroom, scowling. "This is stupid." 

"The point is pretending to be something we're not," Fai said anxiously. "It's stepping outside our comfort zones. Um, the bow tie looks nice? You've got the dialogue cards?"

"Yeah," Kurogane said. He dug the cards out of his pocket and cleared his throat. In a wooden voice, he read: "Uh... Hello, Oral Hygienist, I am A Stockbroker. 15% Quarterly Earnings! Want to fuck?" 

Fai stared. "... No."

* * *

3\. _If all else fails, try wearing something to bed to create the a sense of mystique._

"No," Kurogane said.

"What?" Fai pulled back and blinked at him. "I'm doing what the magazine suggested."

"Yeah, probably, and you're doing it _wrong_."

"Well, it's not like the article _elaborated_ on what is and isn't good to wear in bed!"

Kurogane rolled his eyes. "I can tell you now that that isn't it."

'That' was a two-foot-tall hat made of bristly black bearskin, held in place with a strap under Fai's chin. It was near as wide as it was tall. Come to think of it, the Royal Guards outside the Palace had been wearing it... "Did you steal that from someone?"

"I prefer borrowed."

* * *

4\. _Some adults find a little bit of pain erotic. Try spanking, the act of striking another person's bare flesh with an open palm to provide temporary pain without producing physical injury. It can be fun for both parties!_

"Really?"

"That's what it says. I can ask Syaoran to re-translate it if you like, but I think he might blush enough he'll pass out."

Kurogane kicked his trousers off. "So you just need to hit me and that'll get us going?"

"I guess," Fai said, worriedly. "Is it really okay?"

"I cut my arm off for you," Kurogane reminded him. "Let's do it."

Fai glanced at the magazine, then at Kurogane, and sighed. "If you're sure."

Honestly, Kurogane thought later, holding the icepack against his stinging face, he'd only been out cold for about five minutes. There was no reason for the idiot to fuss.

* * *

5\. _Have you tried incorporating food in your play? Try coating your man with something scrumptious, like ice cream, and licking it off him - you'll enjoy the taste and he'll enjoy the sensation!_

"I'm really sorry," Fai said. He pulled the magazine toward him and opened it to the right page. "I saw this and I thought..."

"I don't care," Kurogane said, muffled. He was still curled on his side, facing away from Fai, the mighty muscles of his back and shoulders tense with irritation. Fai sighed. 

"I didn't think, I'm sorry."

"You poured _ice cream_ on my... nether regions! I was already hard! If you wanted to lick it you didn't need _frozen milk_!"

"I know," Fai said humbly. "I'm sorry I killed little-Kuro. Let me apologize to you? There's still some ice cream left!"

" _No!_ "

* * *

6\. _Some light bondage can really make things go for you and him. Some find the sense of power over having their partner bound and controllable incredibly arousing! Handcuffs and ropes make good aids. Just make sure you both clearly understand the rules, and agree on a safe word you can both use if things get out of control!_

The _click_ of the handcuffs closing was satisfying indeed. Kurogane sat up, admiring his work; Fai was looking at him with bedroom eyes. "Your safe word is 'apples,'" Kurogane said.

"Okay, Kuro-sama," Fai murmured, his voice husky. "What are you going to do with that key?"

"The tied-up person can't have them, so..." Kurogane tossed it away, smirking. Fai raised an eyebrow and grinned back.

The handcuffs pulled Kurogane short as he moved to kiss Fai. As Kurogane yanked at them, Fai's expression grew less sultry and more puzzled. "Kuro-sama," he said, slowly: "I don't think we're both supposed to be tied up."

* * *

"What on Earth were you thinking?" Syaoran asked wearily later, walking back from the police station with their hands in their pockets. "It's fine if the two of you want to play bedroom games, but asking the maid to _join in_?"

"Like hell we did!" Kurogane snapped. "We asked her to find the _key_! If she's just going to barge right in then the least she could've done was help out!"

"In fairness, Kuro-sama, we didn't have the _do not disturb_ sign up," Fai offered meekly.

Syaoran shook his head. "What's gotten into you two all of a sudden? You've been acting weird for _days_. First Fai drags me to a toy shop -"

" _You took the kid?_ "

"I couldn't read the labels!" Fai wailed.

"- Then you're making me write out stock dialogue phrases for a stockbroker and an oral hygienist -"

"Uwaaaah, now Kuro-sama is the one ruining him!"

" _Shut up_!"

"Both of you be quiet," Syaoran interrupted. "Anyway, after that, Fai-san made me help him steal a hat; _you_ , Kurogane-sensei, asked me to translate an article about erotic spanking, then there was the incident with the icecream where I had to cover Kurogane-sensi's shift at work - and now I had to pay your fines to get you out of a police holding cell? What's _wrong_ with you?"

Fai and Kurogane glanced at each other and then broke eye-contact, looking guilty. "It's, um, difficult to explain, Syaoran-kun," said Fai.

Kurogane was shifting uncomfortably. "Kid, we haven't been - well, you know."

"I don't know," Syaoran said, blankly. Actually he was pretty sure he did, but it was worth it to make his so-called 'parents' sputter.

" _Intimate_ ," Fai settled on smoothly. 

"That's what this is about?" Syaoran squinted at them both. " _Idiots_."

Fai laughed, nervously. "That's a bit strong, don't you think? If the romance is gone, then - then what's left?"

"It's accurate, though," Syaoran said. He sighed and drew to a stop, turning around under a streetlight to look the two so-called adults in the eye. "How 'intimate' do you think Sakura and I are, Fai-san, Kurogane-sensei? Do you think we're not in love anymore?"

"Of course you are," Fai said indignantly, and then paused.

"There's more to being together than _intimacy_ ," Syaoran told him gently, putting enough of an emphasis on the word to let Fai know how ridiculous he found it. "Do you still care about Kurogane-sensei?"

"... Yes."

"And Kurogane-sensei, you still care about Fai?"

Kurogane _tch_ ed in a way that made it apparent that he did.

" _Idiots_ ," said Syaoran, with feeling. "Why don't you kiss and make up already."

Kurogane and Fai were staring at each other with wary expressions; and then with a sigh Kurogane unfolded one arm and thwapped Fai over the back of the head. "I don't need spice," he said, eventually; "I'm fine with you."

Fai tilted his head to look up at him, raising a hand to rub the back of his head. "... You're hopeless, Kuro-sama," he said, but he was smiling. He raised himself to the balls of his feet and leaned forward, darting his head in to kiss Kurogane on the mouth; Kurogane let his hand fall with an ease that seemed utterly natural to cup the swell of his arse, tug him closer.

Syaoran sighed. "I meant in your rooms," he said, too jaded to care much, "But that works too."

If Kurogane and Fai heard him, they showed no sign. Whatever. Syaoran had done his best; all that he could hope for now was that they would manage _not_ to get arrested for having sex in public. 

_Again_.

**Author's Note:**

> Written June 2012, posted May 2019 as part of a wider project consolidating my fic on one website. If you made it this far, hope you enjoyed!


End file.
